An Online Al-Anon Email Meeting
There were two things in Step Two that struck terror in my heart when I first read it. That there was a power greater than myself and that I was insane.
I had spent my whole life trying to prove that I was not the "crazy" one, and believing that the only power I could rely on in my life was me. Yet, by the time I reached these rooms I was paralyzed by the behavior of others and my need to control them. My actions and perceptions were insane, my life was unmanageable, I just couldn't see it at the time.
A wise long timer in one of my meetings explained that the Second Step was the "keep coming back" Step. I was to come to meetings, get a sponsor, and work my program so that I could come to an awareness and an acceptance that would enable me to come to believe in a Power greater than myself.
I didn't have to fully define that Power greater than myself, I didn't need a complex understanding. All I had to do was keep an open mind and heart, ask for the willingness to be willing to believe and let the process work.
On those days when my mind says "what program and God who", when I forget that I have choices, when anger, resentments, fear and the old "stuff" begins to have control over my actions and my thinking, I know what I need to do.
I go to Step One to remind myself who and what I am, defining the problem, and then I go to Step Two for a reminder of the solution - I can't but God (Power greater) can and will, if I let go and let Him.
This simple Step, freed from the restricitions of my complicated thinking has given me hope and healing from the circumstances, situations and events around me and within me. It begins the process of changing me from who I am in my reactions to a disease into who I want to be in the sanity and serenity of recovery.
All it takes is my surrender in Step One and my willingness in Step Two.
All I have to do is "keep coming back" so that through the process and the Experience, Strength and Hope of my fellows, I can come to believe.